Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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