I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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