Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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