i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
