Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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