Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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