so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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