Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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