Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
