just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
