Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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