My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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