when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
