I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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