i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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