you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
