Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
