A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
