Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
