Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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