lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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