He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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