She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
