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She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
