well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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