He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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