it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
