If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
