she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I AM VODKA MAN
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
