when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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