I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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