Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
