if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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