There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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