she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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