I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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