i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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