Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
