Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
