accomplished twins. life is a go
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
