God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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