i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
