I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
