Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
