hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
