Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you win again, gameday.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
