I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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