god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
