I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
