So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
