Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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