It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
