i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
