Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
