Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I need to align my fucking chakras
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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