Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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